Thank You For The Venom.

You'll know who you are, if mentioned.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for always being my friend. Thank you for the coincidence of us both getting broken up with on the same day.

Thank you for practically FORCING me to pick up my guitar again. Thank you for Cheering me up so much. Thank you for staying on the phone with me for hours over the past few nights. Thank you for telling me that Nothing was my fault. Thank you for all the hugs. Thank you for the picture. Thank you for the song. Thank you for not complaining about the fact that I tend to cry a lot. Thank you for not telling me that I need to get over it. Thank you for understanding.

Thank you for helping me get my mind off things. Thank you for talking to me.
Thank you for all the hugs. Thank you for the silly comments and the goofy actions. Thank you for making me laugh when I needed it.

Thank you for telling me, "The only reason you are sensitive is because you have the heart of an artist." Thank you for always telling me that everything will be okay.

Thank you for talking to me. Thank you for Always Understanding me. Thank you for the great conversations we have together. Thank you for all the hugs. Thank you for all the hair bleaching/dying tips. Thank you for your witty humor. Thank you for always being there, even when you're far away.

Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for understanding depression. Thank you for all the hugs. Thank you for always being yourself.

Thank you. Really, thank you. Thank you for waking me up. Thank you for showing me that things aren't always perfect. Thank you for helping me realize that I cannot trust people as easily as I used to. Thank you for introducing me to the shitty side of things. Thank you for the emotions and the realizations. Thank you for the illusions. Thank you for the lies.

Boys Have Problems.

It seems as though my problems with the male species are getting worse.

Seeing a picture of me and my boyfriend before him "hurt" him.
Seeing his ex with her new boyfriend made him jealous.
He tried to make out with another girl (yes, while we were dating.)
Apparently I couldn't hang out with him ALL THE TIME.
He lied to me. A lot.

And yes, I am VERY sure he doesn't still "love" me.

Agenda Suicide

Kids, NEVER break up with someone over MySpace. EVER.

Everything was fiiiiine with me and Zach. TOTALLY FINE. And last night, totally out of the blue, he sends me a MYSPACE message that goes like this:

"alex i want to be single for a while.im sorry. i know u love me and i really love you but i just want to be single for a bit. i dont want it to totally end here. i want us to go back out again sometime but for now i want some single time. i was really scared to do this cuz ur gonna be mad at me and everyone is going to hate me. but please dont hate me. i still want to be friends."

YOU CAN NOT SEND YOUR GIRLFRIEND A MYSPACE MESSAGE SAYING THAT YOU WANT TO BREAK UP. ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A SHITTY REASON LIKE THAT ONE.

And what I don't get, though, is that it was TOTALLY RANDOM. And then he has to add the part about "i don't want it to totally end here." Like I am really going to go out with him again. I still love him, but he obviously has NO IDEA how much he hurt me.

I don't want to still love him. I feel really stupid that I still do.

But then again, if he has to break up with me over MySpace, he probably didn't love me that much.

Today he didn't talk to me. I didn't want to talk to him. But I do know that there were a LOT of people harassing it about it. I feel really bad about that. But I swear I had NOTHING to do with it.

After school Miranda called him to yell at him or something. Apparently, his side hurt so much that he couldn't even walk. He could barely talk to her on the phone. His mom took him to the hospital. I havn't heard anything yet. Now, I am really worried. I feel stupid, though, for worrying, because he hurt me so much that I feel like I shouldn't have any sympathy for him.

I feel so stupid. I feel like I wasted his time.

I now know that he broke up with me because he just didn't love me anymore. But why couldn't he have told me that in the first place? It hurts me even more that he lied to me.

I was talking to one of his ex's. I don't know her that well, but she did tell me (in the nicest way possible) that when he has a girlfriend, a lot of the time he breaks up with them and looks for someone better, and if he can't find anyone else, he'll go back to the last person.

I just feel so stupid.