Agenda Suicide

Kids, NEVER break up with someone over MySpace. EVER.

Everything was fiiiiine with me and Zach. TOTALLY FINE. And last night, totally out of the blue, he sends me a MYSPACE message that goes like this:

"alex i want to be single for a while.im sorry. i know u love me and i really love you but i just want to be single for a bit. i dont want it to totally end here. i want us to go back out again sometime but for now i want some single time. i was really scared to do this cuz ur gonna be mad at me and everyone is going to hate me. but please dont hate me. i still want to be friends."

YOU CAN NOT SEND YOUR GIRLFRIEND A MYSPACE MESSAGE SAYING THAT YOU WANT TO BREAK UP. ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A SHITTY REASON LIKE THAT ONE.

And what I don't get, though, is that it was TOTALLY RANDOM. And then he has to add the part about "i don't want it to totally end here." Like I am really going to go out with him again. I still love him, but he obviously has NO IDEA how much he hurt me.

I don't want to still love him. I feel really stupid that I still do.

But then again, if he has to break up with me over MySpace, he probably didn't love me that much.

Today he didn't talk to me. I didn't want to talk to him. But I do know that there were a LOT of people harassing it about it. I feel really bad about that. But I swear I had NOTHING to do with it.

After school Miranda called him to yell at him or something. Apparently, his side hurt so much that he couldn't even walk. He could barely talk to her on the phone. His mom took him to the hospital. I havn't heard anything yet. Now, I am really worried. I feel stupid, though, for worrying, because he hurt me so much that I feel like I shouldn't have any sympathy for him.

I feel so stupid. I feel like I wasted his time.

I now know that he broke up with me because he just didn't love me anymore. But why couldn't he have told me that in the first place? It hurts me even more that he lied to me.

I was talking to one of his ex's. I don't know her that well, but she did tell me (in the nicest way possible) that when he has a girlfriend, a lot of the time he breaks up with them and looks for someone better, and if he can't find anyone else, he'll go back to the last person.

I just feel so stupid.